just a few things that I have learnt and that I think are very important for everyone else to learn too bcos science = amazing
this is so informative and helped me so much
Starting to understand that the illness can be “set off” by unrelated life circumstances is eye-opening. I need to remember this.
Is there a source for this oh well I will just look it up myself because WHAAAAT. I knew they were genetic and comorbid with other mental illnesses but that’s pretty much all I assumed, I had no idea about this insula. Must research.
The “inadequate nutrition” thing definitely holds true. All my life I never gave a flying frickity frack about food—or, to be honest, I DID give a flying frickity frack. I used to be a total foodie. I ate with utter pleasure. And I ate anything. I loved food and I still really do; I still AM a foodie (who has trouble with food).
But I guess three years ago my diet starting going to crap with my other habits. I mostly drank, didn’t eat very well or much because I had a weird sleep schedule. I used to stay up for two-three days at a time, sleep four hours a night, or be awake around the clock with intermittent naps. I lost some weight, was pleased, but knew I had to get my life in the line.
So I when I left my old school and came back to my hometown, I started attending to a better diet, running, researching more about nutrition, running more, dieting more, vomiting more, eating less, running more, eating less, running more…
And I remember every time my weight got lower I worried more and more, and I wondered if I had an eating disorder, and it took me starting to really panic about my health then going to the doctor to actually acknowledge that I could and should call it such a thing.
That’s what’s so WEIRD. They just take you over. It’s like there was somebody else wearing my skin and pretending to be me. There came a point that I knew what I was doing was bad but I couldn’t stop it, it created a system of perfect order in my life (or so I thought—it was the only thing I felt was important and everything else was an interruption). It’s just weird to see how in denial I was of my own self harm.
The psychology that goes on in an ED truly is a tangled mess. I still have a lot of that tangle to unravel. Jesus H I hope I can.
"It’s like there was somebody else wearing my skin and pretending to be me. There came a point that I knew what I was doing was bad but I couldn’t stop it"
At both my highest and lowest weights this and yet now I don’t even feel like I know what I, ME am actually supposed to look like or look like at all, trapped in skin from obesity, weight restored from looking like a living skeleton now living with swollen eyes and swollen face of bulimia, I have always looked like a walking eating disorder to myself and I am still stuck.
Omg I appreciate your posts so much